Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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