Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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