I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
