so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
