I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
