mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
