put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
