ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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