What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
