So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
