cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
