I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
