So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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