after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
