and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
