My friends, they love my intelligence
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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