ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
