I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
