The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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