I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
