The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
