imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
