It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
