I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
