If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
