Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
