it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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