Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
