Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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