It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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