shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
