if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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