It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
