oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
