i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
