I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
