I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
