Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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