We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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