shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
