honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
