Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
