Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
