This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
