Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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