yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
3pm strippers are depressing
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
