Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
