If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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