So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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