i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
