I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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