Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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