Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
