Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
