Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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