I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
