you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
