there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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