We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i will never coherently bang her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize