This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
