then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize