I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
