i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
