You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
