whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
