Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
